For five weeks, every team that played Team Hauloll had one of the five best scores in the league that week. Tulsa put up 163.2. Nolan put up 154.3. Nate put up 171.1 the week Jason scored 158.4. Lannie put up 197.5, the high of Week 5, and Jason's 152.9 went home with nothing. That's 833 points against in five games, 166.6 a week, and even after Sunday nobody in JADDL has given up more.
Then Adam scored 123.45, eighth of twelve, a perfectly ordinary week…and Hauloll won by 25.4 points. That was the whole trick. Play somebody normal.
Malik Nabers caught 12 of 15 targets for 165 yards and no touchdowns, which still came to 32 points. D'Andre Swift ran in two scores for 24.5 points. Romeo Doubs was on the field for two snaps, caught a 42-yard touchdown from Drake Maye on one of them, and hurt his shoulder landing; the Patriots put him on injured reserve Monday. Jason will be without him for at least four games.
This is not a secretly great team. Check every Hauloll score against all eleven teams each week and it goes 28-38, which is a team that ought to have about two and a half wins. It has one. The schedule still owes Jason a win and a half.
He's been here before. In 2015 Hauloll also opened 0-5 — the column at the time said they "sucked up any negative attention the media was shooting westward" — and also won in Week 6, 82.2 points to 72.8 over the Boom. They finished 6-7. Eleven teams in league history have started 0-5. Four of them won the next week, and two of those four are Hauloll.
Twenty-six teams were 1-5 after six weeks before this one. One made the playoffs: Team Odouls, 2023, who finished 8-6. Two weeks ago this column pointed out that the only 0-4 team ever to make the playoffs was also the Odouls. At this point it isn't precedent so much as Adam's brand. So the one franchise that has ever climbed out of this hole is the one Jason just beat, and if that transfers anything, he'll take it. He's last in the West, three games behind the 4-2 trio of Nolan, Jacob and Lannie, with eight weeks left and six playoff spots.
As for Adam: the Odouls led this series 7-4 heading into 2019. Since then Jason is 10-2, and one of the ten was the 2019 Jared Bowl. With Lamar Jackson still out, Tyler Shough and Michael Penix threw six touchdowns between them for 53.75 points. The Texans defense gave up 31 to Jacksonville and was worth zero fantasy points. The 2024 champions started 2-0 and have now lost four straight.
Six and oh, and the high score of the week again. Kenneth Walker ran 19 times for 128 yards and two touchdowns, 30.9 points, while the Chiefs defense held the Chargers to six and was worth 16 fantasy points. Pete owned the half of Kansas City that worked. Nolan owned Patrick Mahomes: 272 yards, no touchdowns, an interception, 13.2 points.
Nolan also started Cam Skattebo, whose own coach had decided four fumbles in five games was enough. Six snaps, no touches, zero points. "I got punished," Skattebo said afterward. Him and Nolan both.
Six teams opened 6-0 before this one. All six made the playoffs. None of them won the Limousine — not the 2007 Odouls, who started 12-0, and not the 2008 Boom, the last time Pete started this well. Only two teams have ever reached 7-0, and both were the Odouls. Pete's franchise has the best regular-season win percentage in league history and four Limousines. History says the first part is about to happen again. It has no opinion on the second.
Lannie opened 0-2 and has won four straight. Christian McCaffrey ran for two touchdowns and caught nine passes on Monday night, 32.7 points, and Drake Maye threw three touchdowns for 28.15 points — one of them the Doubs catch, so Jason has a complaint to file there too.
Ryan got 30.4 points out of Trevor Lawrence (306 yards, four touchdowns) and 26.2 out of Bhayshul Tuten (two receiving touchdowns), 56.6 points from one Jaguars game, and lost by 37.8 points. Sam Darnold threw 51 times for 278 yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions, 13.8 points. MarShawn Lloyd ran eight times for 10 yards and scored 1 point.
This series used to belong to Ryan. He won the first three, led 9-4 after 2021, and beat Lannie in the 2017 Jared Bowl. Since 2022 Lannie is 5-1, and it's 10-9. Five group titles, zero Limousines, and the one time Lannie played for a Limousine against the Longshanks, Ryan drove it home.
Four teams are 2-4 this week: Ryan, Adam, Nate and Dan. Forty-four teams got there before them. Eight made the playoffs.
James started 0-3, has won three straight, and is back to .500. Isaiah Likely caught six for 99 yards and a touchdown, 28.9 points; C.J. Stroud threw for 312 yards and three scores, 26.1 points.
The Jayhawk had a weird one. Jalon Daniels went 22 of 43 for 164 yards with two interceptions, took five sacks, and also caught a pass — for minus three yards. Throwing it badly apparently wasn't enough involvement. Next week he holds for kicks. Then there's Chimere Dike, who scored 17.6 points on eight offensive snaps without being targeted once: 118 yards on kick returns and a 58-yard punt return.
Jacob's 134.4 beat seven of the other eleven scores. On paper the 12.1 points he lost by are sitting on his bench in Mike Evans, who scored 13.9 points while Isaiah Williams got nine snaps and 0.9 points. Evans hadn't practiced all week and was questionable for Monday night; benching him was the sensible call, and he was in the locker room before halftime anyway. Tulsa had won four straight in this series. It's 11-6.
Tyler Warren was ruled inactive with a groin injury Sunday morning, Alex had no other tight end on the roster, and the defending champions played the week with nobody at tight end and won by 4.95 points anyway, the week's closest game. Three of the last four Limousines were in this one. DK Metcalf caught 11 for 93 yards and 22.8 points for Nate, who is 2-7 against Alex all-time and lost the first five.
Dan has scored the fewest points in the league, 712.5, and the Jaguars defense added nothing to the pile: 34 allowed, no sacks, zero fantasy points. Ian has won three straight in this series and trails it by one.