Forty-one points. That's what Jason just dropped on Jacob in Week 8, and it wasn't even that close.
Team Hauloll 167.45, Tulsa Angry Monkeys 126.60. After seventeen years of this rivalry, we're finally dead even at 16-16, and it took Jonathan Taylor having the game of his fucking life to get there.
Let's talk about Taylor for a second. Thirty-nine-point-four. That's not a running back performance; that's what happens when you remember you're playing the Titans. Three rushing touchdowns. 127 yards on the ground. Another 42 through the air. Jacob had to sit there and watch his playoff hopes get trampled by a guy who was supposedly washed after his contract dispute two years ago.
Jordan Love? Oh, he just casually dropped 31.9 points because apparently that's what Packers quarterbacks do now. Four touchdown passes. Over 300 yards. That's 71.3 points from two players. Seventy. One. Point. Three.
The Tampa Bay defense—yes, THAT Tampa Bay defense—decided to score 24 points. Twenty-four! They had basically the same output as Travis Kelce! When your defense is matching Hall of Fame tight ends in scoring, you're having a day.
Meanwhile, Jacob's Monkeys put up the kind of performance that makes you question everything. Travis Kelce managed 24.9 points, which was nice. Khalil Shakir contributed 23.6—probably his best game of the season. Dallas Goedert added 19.3. But here's the problem: Baker Mayfield shit the bed with 5.6 points. Bijan Robinson, the supposed savior of fantasy teams everywhere, managed 5.8. Christian McCaffrey—CHRISTIAN FUCKING MCCAFFREY—put up 9.8 points.
When your first-round pick scores single digits and your opponent's defense outscores him by 15 points, you're not winning that week.
Jason even got production from his depth. Tetairoa McMillan added 16.9. Juwan Johnson somehow scored 12.8 at tight end. Jordan Addison chipped in 11.6. Chris Boswell kicked for 13. Hell, even Kirk Cousins' 8.85 points and Jacory Croskey-Merritt's 2.5 didn't matter because when you're up 40, who gives a shit?
The real salt in the wound? Jacob had Mac Jones sitting on his bench with 19.95 points while Baker Mayfield was out there throwing for 5.6. That's a 14-point swing at quarterback. Not that it would've mattered when Taylor and Love were treating the scoreboard like a video game.
Jason's Team Hauloll improves to 5-3 (1-1 in quad play), while Jacob's Monkeys drop to 4-4 (1-1). The series that's been running since George W. Bush's first term is finally, mercifully, even.
Some weeks you lose close. Some weeks you get buried. And some weeks Jonathan Taylor scores three touchdowns, Jordan Love throws for four, and Christian McCaffrey forgets how to play football.
Welcome to Week 8, where Jason finally tied up seventeen years of history and Jacob learned what a 40-point ass-kicking feels like.