Well, this is what happens when the historically worst franchise in JADDL history plays a team that's actively trying to suck worse than them.
Lawrence Football Jesus broke out of their 0-2 hole with a comfortable 149.25-111.40 victory over the Millennium Falcons, but let's be clear about what we witnessed here: Jesus played solid, unremarkable football while Ian's team put on a masterclass in how to completely shit the bed.
"We did what we needed to do," said James after the win. "Put up a decent number and watched Ian's team forget how to play fantasy football. Sometimes the other guy just hands you a win. Call it tithing to the church, I guess."
And tithe Ian did—generously. While Jesus's 149.25 was a perfectly respectable score—just above the league average of 140.6 this season—the Falcons' 111.40 was the kind of disaster that makes you wonder if Ian accidentally started his taxi squad.
Geno Smith bounced back from his embarrassing Week 2 performance with a solid 30.95 points against Washington, completing 19 of 29 passes for 289 yards and 3 TDs. Nothing spectacular, but exactly the kind of steady production you need when your opponent is busy imploding.
Jahmyr Gibbs added 26.90 points, Jaxon Smith-Njigba contributed 20.60, and even the rapidly aging Travis Kelce managed 8.60 points. It was a well-rounded effort that would have been competitive against most teams—and was more than enough to handle a Falcons squad that looked like they were playing with their eyes closed.
Meanwhile, over in Falcons territory, Ian was getting a front-row seat to what a complete roster meltdown looks like. Drake Maye put up 21.90 points and Davante Adams managed 16.60, but when your running backs combine for less than 10 points (James Conner's 6.70 and Antonio Gibson's 3.40), you're basically playing fantasy football with half a lineup.
This win is particularly meaningful for Jesus when you consider their historically awful track record. Dead last in all-time winning percentage at .454 and tied for last in scoring average, this franchise has spent most of its existence as everyone else's confidence booster. They've got exactly one championship to show for nearly two decades of mostly mediocre-to-terrible football.
The head-to-head history between these teams is now tied 14-14, which means this rivalry has somehow remained competitive despite both franchises spending most of their time disappointing people.
For Jesus, this was exactly the kind of win they needed—not because they played lights-out football, but because they played competent football while their opponent forgot how to field a lineup. Sometimes the best thing you can do as the league's worst franchise is just show up and let the other guy beat himself.
The real test will be whether Jesus can maintain this level of steady production when they face teams that remember to start their good players. But for now, they're 1-2 instead of 0-3, and in the upside-down world of JADDL football, that counts as progress.
Some wins come from explosive performances. Others come from showing up while your opponent stays home. For the worst franchise in league history, they'll take either one.